Get ready to chuckle and groan as we dive into a collection of the finest dad jokes around! Dad jokes, those classic puns and cheesy one-liners, have a special place in our hearts. Whether you’re a father looking to add to your repertoire or just seeking a good laugh, these dad jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. So, brace yourself for some eye-rolling humor and get ready to unleash your inner dad joke connoisseur! Without further ado, let’s dive into the laughter-filled world of dad jokes.
- Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
- What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
- Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He’s still in the cast.
- How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
- Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
- I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
- I had a date last night and it was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a fig.
- What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
- What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
- My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said “Maybe…”
- My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She’s starting to sound like my wife.
- What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
- What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
- Why did the lobster blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
- Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
- What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
- What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
- My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
- What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
- What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
- How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
- My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
- Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It’s just gathering dust.
- Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
- What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
- Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- 5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
- Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
- You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
- I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
- What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
- I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himself.
- How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
- Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
- What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
- How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- Where do you learn to make ice cream? At sundae school.
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
- How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
- Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
- Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
- Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
- I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
- What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
- What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
- What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
- What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
- If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
- If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
- When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
- What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
- What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
- Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
- I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
- What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
- How can you mend a broken pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
- I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
- What do you call spiders who just got married? Newly-webs.
- RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
- What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle.
- What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
- Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
- What does a house wear? Address.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
- What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
- What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
- My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.
- I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back.
- How do you know when a chicken is evil? It lays deviled eggs.
- What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
- I didn’t get a haircut, I got them all cut.
- Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota.
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.
- What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? “Cool Ranch!”
- How do cows shop? From cattle-logs.
- I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
- People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But I love their greatest hits!
- I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
- I like telling Dad jokes…sometimes he laughs.
- How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
- The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
- What’s the most patriotic sport? Flag football.
- Why were spectators confused by the koala’s self-portrait? It was bear.
- Why did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
- What does a karate master get rewarded with while driving? A seat belt.
- What do you call a baby sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
- What did the husband say to his wife right after getting LASIK surgery? “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
- Why are pigs bad drivers? Because they hog the road.
- What do lions use to look at their manes? Mirroars.
- What did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? “It’s a dog eat dog world out there.”
- Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they makeup.
- What piece on the playground is always exhausted? The tire swing.
- Why did two tall people get along so well? They could really see eye to eye.
- Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop? She always spilled the tea.
- What does a writer have in common with a football player? Anxiety over a rough draft.
- Where do wasps like to get lunch? A bee-stro.
- Is there anything worse than when it’s raining cats and dogs? Yes! Hailing taxis.
- Why would doors do well on social media? Everyone looks for their handles.
- Why did the physicist and the biologist break up? Because they had no chemistry.
- If you feel like someone is watching you, you’re not alone.
- Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.
- Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards? His kid asked him to sit on the deck.
- How do birds learn how to fly? They wing it!
- What kind of bird is always getting hurt? The owl.
- What’s either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school? Hogwarts.
- How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
- What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!”
- Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
- What did one furniture maker say to another during a tense discussion? “Let’s table this.”
- I was going to tell a joke about water, but it was too tasteless.
- Why couldn’t the duck be quiet? Because it was addicted to quack.
- Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
- Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
- Why did the baseball player get arrested? Because he stole second base.
- Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.
- Why did the pug buy a clock? It wanted to be a watchdog.
- Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meatball.
- How did the dad prank his daughter using fake dog poop on April Fools Day? He told her to look out for her new sham-poo in the shower.
- What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity? “I’m a big fan.”
- What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
- What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer? “Don’t be such a wet blanket.”
- Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? Because it was too tired.
- Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
- What’s a writer’s favorite train station? Penn Station.
- What do you call a gnat with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
- What was said about the messy, angry man who was eating a can of Pringles? “He’s got a chip on his shoulder.”
- What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.
- What kind of shape may have been knighted? Cir-cles.
- Why is sand so optimistic? It has a can-dune attitude.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
- What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze? The sta-tues.
- What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”
- Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues? They were engaged.
- What is Marco’s favorite clothing store? Polo.
- What do you call it when a lawyer takes a test early in the morning? A breakfast bar.
- What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.
- How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
- Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
- What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life? All-purpose.
- Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge? The leeks.
- Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.